1) you come to the US for college, and kids here think you were born in the States coz u speak just like them

2) randomly using words/phrases such as ‘sooth’, ‘thou art’, ‘wherewithal’ etc is completely normal in 9th and 10th (coz of all the Shakespeare)

3) you go to junior college (at least in Bombay) and automatically become best buddies with another ICSE kid, even if he’s from the school you hated all your life until then..

4) you are the only one who understands the concept of ‘reading time’ in an exam

5) you memorized 36 chapters for your hindi paper, but to this day have trouble with constructing a paragraph in formal hindi

6) you went for tuition for every conceivable subject on the planet, english, hindi, comps, science, history, geography, maths.. and maybe even SUPW

7) you actually understood what SUPW was.. and when you read the above post.. you thought, ‘ohhh that’s right, we had that shit too’

8) you went to CBSE/State board after ICSE, looked at their english textbook and thought to yourself.. ‘man, 2nd graders at my school could’ve aced this rubbish’

9) even the peons and the cleaning ladies at school spoke better English than most of your Junior College/College profs

10) most of your batch had cellphones by the time they were in 9th grade, and they all lived 15 minutes away from school

11) your Annual Day/ Sports Day Parades were more coordinated than many other great Parades!

12) your Hindi teacher often had to resort to English to explain stuff to some of your classmates

13) there had to be at least one celebrity kid in your batch (there just has to be!.. especially in Bombay)

14) your school participated only in inter-ICSE sports fest (they pretended they didn’t want to associate with all the hoi polloi.. but the real reason was that they would get creamed by the State Board kids)

15) a score rise of 30% from your prelims to the Boards was considered perfectly normal.

16) you actually prayed to Xavier Pinto and Francis Fanthome before the boards (dunno who the head honchos are now, in my day I prayed to them)

17) your prom/social looked like a Bollywood awards party

18) some of the chicks in your school were hotter than the current Miss India (note: tribute to ICSE chicks.. I’ve seen a lot of women all over the country and have never met a really hot girl who wasn’t an ICSE product.. ICSE women ROCK!)

19) your school grilled you so hard that the Boards were the exam that you studied most for in life… and will always stay that way

20) in college most of the other kids drinking, smoking or doing weed are ICSE kids or they’re from Delhi (no offence Delhiites.. hehe)

21) you look at what’s being taught in your college intro chem course and you go.. ‘wait a minute, didn’t I do all this in the 8th grade?’

22) you got a 90 plus in the boards and thought you were ready to rule the world.. but then 2 years later you realised that it wasn’t enough to clear the IIT-JEE

23) you had your first girlfriend/boyfriend much before 9th grade

24) in junior college/college, you were considered a snob, and you loved it!

25) at least one of your friends was driving his own car by the time you were in the 10th grade

26) When your SSC Frnd (that is, if you have one!) doesn’t understand whatever is written above (It’s English, remember?).

27) If you have preserved your copy of Juilius Caesar and Whispers of Immortality and frequently compare it with the crappy and offensive State board / CBSE english textbooks!

28) When you consider going for SUPW trips is as good as a casual outing!

29) When you scowl when a state board friend (that is, if your arrogance of ICSE allows you to keep one!) asks you to help him in English and you think, “God, thank God I was in ICSE”.

30) When scoring a 95% either means you actually slogged your ass off in the last month (February) or you are an above average student who was lucky (Ahh..the power of scaling up in the ICSE)

31) You assume that state-board or CBSE schools are only where your maid’s kids go!

Please See: This is not my work..putting it simply because I loved it*******This is purely for entertainment reasons. There is no intention of insulting anyone from any caste, religion, creed, sex, group, Board, community etc. Hence, I would appreciate if it is taken lightly and does not attract any legal actions

His personal doctor has told, the only reason why Mr Jobs died is because of an Indian. However he has refused to reveal further detail, however this piece of information has already caught two nation on cross roads.

CIA and FBI are working overtime to find that who the hell is responsible for Mr. Jobs death. Obama has pledged that whoever is responsible for this will be brought to justice.

Where as US citizen are highly depressed and anguished by this startling piece of information.
This has further led to racial attacks on Indian living across US.

Million dollar question is that who is that Indian who is being claimed as the person because of whom Mr.Jobs died.

Initial reports are indicating to certain Mr Arvindam Chodhary (founder of MPII college), it’s believed that Mr. Arvindam has mailed his new book “Dare to think beyond Apple” to Mr. Jobs for a review, reading the prologue itself led to a massive cardiac attack.

However Mr.Arvindam has completely denied this accusation and told that he actually doesn’t know how to send a courier beyond India.

Certain section of media has also targeted baba Ramdev, report is that baba ramdev requested to include patanajali yogpeeth Ayurveda product in all Apple stores, this led to acute depression for Mr. Jobs.

However certain confident section of media is also claiming that this Indian is Mr. Dig-Pig-Jay Singh, as a night before Jobs died he has mailed him accusing of not including any minority related apps in his online Apple store, he is supposed to have accused Mr Jobs of being indulged in right wing terrorism in India and supporting groups like Bajrang dal, this claim led to a massive attack of hypertension which further led to his sudden death.

Ultimately after few days of investigation, its being told that the case has been cracked, and the main accuse as told by CBI is none other but our own Mr. Kapil Sibal.

There are clear indication that after Mr. Sibal decided to launch $35 tablet named Aakash, Mr Jobs was just unable to bear this pain. Finally when the launch happened on 5th october, Mr Steve couldn’t express his agony that how much frustated he was after he saw how a moron like Kapil Sibal can launch just a $35 table that too with a capacitive screen.

Now Obama has called upon Ms. Gandhi to proceed towards extradition of Mr Sibal, so that he can be tried on US land and can be sent to Guantanamo prison.

PS: This post is my way of sending my tributes to Mr. Steve Jobs the great visionary. RIP Jobs..

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won if he’d stuck it out.
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are -
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit -
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

…….Anonymous

I find this poem very inspiring..the source is anonymous.

Check out InfoAxon’s blog to learn more on this topic.

Feel free to post your comments and views.

So after being part of the preparation chaos and madness, things finally seem to be settling down for organizers. Since last 6-7 months I have realized that at times how much negative we are as a citizen and planners. Day in and day out media had been painting the town red with negative remarks about CWG 2010.

By the time my post gets published it would be hardly 96 hours left when the game gets a kick start. This whole messy affair underlines few facts

1. We the people of biggest democracy are the poorest planners. NO? From a normal student to a bureaucrat all are nice examples, no matter whether it’s a last minute rush for any exam or for an event like CWG. We just love to procrastinate.
2. Indian politics and red tapism ensures that, anyone who is in power want to stuff as much money as possible and if something is left then it is used for the allotted activity.
3. We Indians on name of nationalism can forget anything. We actually are billion plus bunch of emotional fools, who at one point can be as aggravated as any one and if properly fooled we  forget everything and can move on easily with our life’s.

Well..What more to say…Even this post is full of negativity, but can’t help.

I have realized that no matter how much corrupt our system is, no matter how poor we are in terms of organization or planning we can still pull out things. Although the end result may not be the perfect one but still we do land up safely crashing here and there just like “Launch pad” of “duck tales” remember?

After so much of brouhaha I sincerely feel that  game  should take the centre stage and not criticism and politics. With so much of tax payer’s money involved, let’s make them feel a bit happy about this event. Let the game begin.

All the best

I saw WANTED one of the biggest blockbuster of 2009 felt good but felt quizzed also that how the heck movie having no elements is being lapped up by masses? Still left the question answered..then I saw Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani..again a movie with nothing to offer to our so-called polished and multiplex going crowd in terms of story and performance and yet it was a HIT and NOW DABAANG..
I intentionally went to see this movie in a single screen theatre, and trust me, that’s the place where you can see the real audience coming in so what exactly time and again making such mindless flicks a hit with audience?

Reason # 1

Create a “Larger than life” hype

If you making or intend to make a full on masala movie then ensure that your movie is having at least one BIG star in this case it was SALMAN!

Reason #2

Sync your character with your star’s persona

What you expect from Salman? To be a romantic, sophisticated college going guy or the character portrayed by him in movies like WANTED and DABANG? answer is simple, just make your character and star similar..in case of Sallu-fearless, meri marzi type of guy right?

Reason# 3

Music MUST be a Chartbuster

Although my heart goes out for all those munni’s who got badnam just because of one song. BUT don’t you think that songs of such movies should be a catalyst to pull the crowd to big screens with essentially one item song should be tried to stuffed..be it munni, or be it Jalwa of Wanted.. so if  you are smart enough then you can easily figure out that the common denominator under all these mindless flick is their super hit music.

Reason# 4

Keep it Simple

Although there nothing like story in such movies, still whatever piece of script is there just make sure that its damm simple. If you will script Dabang like INCEPTION then do you think that all those rickshaw -whallas and labours will spend their money? No. So just keep it simple one or two twists are ok. Remember Wanted?

Reason # 5

Copy as much as possible

Remember the opening sequence of Dabang? where Sallu lashes out the baddies with Fire fighting pipe-straight lift from Transporter-2 or his matrix kind of sequence,  copy! and just don’t hesitate in that because its only 10-20% of junta who watches hollywood flicks

Reason # 6

Give your audience some reason to cheer up!

Yeah finally Humour, see if you want to  make a movie like Sarkar Raj then its fine where every next guy is frowning or making some serious facial expressions, but then it becomes too much. Just bring in certain elements of humour remember the sequence where Salman does some idiotic dance movements when cell phone of goon rings with a specific ring tone? many of you have found it idiotic..but guys..the junta sitting in the first row loved it..and those are the ones who make a movie hit.

Phew! I know many of you might have found my post too idiotic to read, but time and again when I found such brain less movie creating earth shattering records, thus finally I felt like decrypting the sensibilities and here it is .

Finally one more thing..many of you must  have enjoyed movies like Dabang and Wanted to core or for that matter movies which belongs to brainless  genre, but you never except that fact, my suggestions..have enough guts to accept that in some way or other we love brainless entairment (provided that Christhoper Nolan or Steven Speilberg is not your ancestor).

So go on..watch and love those moments of laughter and fun, life is already too stressed out, be Dabang enough to make a fun out of it, after all life is beautiful…

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He’s very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant’s confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant’s 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, “Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I’ll be alone. How lonely I’ll be!”

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, “I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?” “No way!” replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant’s heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, “I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?” “No!” replied the 3rd wife. “Life is so good over here! I’m going to remarry when you die!” The merchant’s heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, “I always turned to you for help and you’ve always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?” “I’m sorry, I can’t help you out this time!” replied the 2nd wife. “At the very most, I can only send you to your grave.” The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : “I’ll leave with you. I’ll follow you no matter where you go.” The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, “I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !”

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives

a. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it’ll leave us when we die.

b. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

c. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we’re alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

d. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.

Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it’s a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we’re on our deathbed to lament

“I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an eighteen year old bride
who’s pregnant and having my child!

What do you think about that?”

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said,”Let me tell you a story.

I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day
went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella
instead of his gun.”

The doctor continued, “So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear
appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear
and squeezed the handle.”

“And do you know what happened?” the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied “No.”

The doctor continued, “The bear dropped dead in front of him!”

“That’s impossible!” exclaimed the old man. “Someone else must have shot
that bear.”

“That’s kind of what I’m getting at…” replied the doctor

Today as a nation we are challenged both internally as well as externally. But will it be like this always? We bloody Indians are just a soft targets for every one. No Conviction, No Action, No Vision nothing. These bunch of people who claim them selves to be communist are playing with government without any hitch. Are we that weak?

Some where I have doubt about my future, about the answer to this question that are we safe? Why can’t India act like Sri Lankan government which uprooted the complete LTTE? Why can’t terror attacks and terrorist be handled in a way they are tackled by a small country like Israel?

I am just an average Indian, can only express my anguish, wish we can have some iron guts to reply back to questions in a convincing manner..other wise I can now confidently say..that yes this whole mammoth country is only surviving because of those 2 millions god we worship…