Tag: Love

The Fourth Wife

Normally I don’t copy paste article on my blog, but sometimes it happens that you come across such a good article or a write up when you just feel like sharing it with every one. It’s been long since I have posted any thing on my blog, but then today I got something which was really insightful, so have a look and enrich yourself for a moment..

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He’s very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant’s confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant’s 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, “Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I’ll be alone. How lonely I’ll be!”

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, “I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?” “No way!” replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant’s heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, “I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?” “No!” replied the 3rd wife. “Life is so good over here! I’m going to remarry when you die!” The merchant’s heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, “I always turned to you for help and you’ve always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?” “I’m sorry, I can’t help you out this time!” replied the 2nd wife. “At the very most, I can only send you to your grave.” The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : “I’ll leave with you. I’ll follow you no matter where you go.” The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, “I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !”

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives

a. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it’ll leave us when we die.

b. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

c. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we’re alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

d. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.

Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it’s a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we’re on our deathbed to lament

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The best moments of life..

Sitting alone…I was wondering that there are so many moments in life which we love to remember ..which becomes best moments of our life which we want to live again and again..Here are few moments which I feel are the best one to re-live.

  • Making someone feel special
  • Catching up with your old school friend and revisiting all your memories of school
  • Waking up in morning with a realization that for next two days you will not go to office..yes the weekend is here
  • Getting pass marks, when you expected to flunk
  • Suddenly getting a call from your beloved when you were just not expecting that to happen
  • Your first kiss
  • Cracking your first job interview and landing up with your first job.
  • Your first salary
  • Sitting on a beach watching the waves with peace in your heart
  • your first love letter
  • Few words of praise from your parents
  • Getting a movie ticket of a blockbuster on first weekend of release that too at half the rate
  • Those long bike trips on never ending highways
  • Moments when your heart beats skips just by a simple look of that girl who drives your crazy
  • Waiting on airport to see your friend/beloved/parents after a long long time
  • That first rain of monsoons when everywhere you can feel that earthy smell
  • That tight and warm hug from your beloved, that too when it was not expected
  • Helping some one out of some trouble, specially when the person you helping is a complete stranger to you
  • Receiving an email on confirmation of your placement
  • Time when you prepared all the way for a tough test and at the last moment that test got canceled (at least I love it..as I was never prepared with my tests)
  • Those late night gossiping in the corridor of the hostel
  • Talking on cell with your girl friend till the break of dawn and realizing that in few hours you need to rush for your classes

Similarly there are so many which I would love to write about, but then these are few which were coming to my mind and titillating me…What’s your one??

Choosing a life partner- really a gamble?

Marriage is one of the most important decision a human being takes in his/her life. Certainly any one would hate to put the wrong step forward in making choice about their life partner. In country like India where arrange marriage rules the roost (although things are changing pretty fast still..) it’s very tricky to judge your partner just in a meeting or two. So what’s the solution..frankly speaking even I don’t know, but few days only got one forwarded mail discussing regarding the same issue. Felt like sharing it with the blog world. check it out guys and feel free to make your comment on that.

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no
one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,
it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married,
they’ll say: ‘We’re in love’; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people
make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on
love. Though this may sound ‘not politically correct’, there’s a
profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of
a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love
will come. Let me say it again: ‘You can’t build a lifetime relationship
on love alone’; You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about
finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for
20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you
plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together?
You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a
common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or
(2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The
basis of having good communication is trust ‒ i.e. trust that I won’t
get ‘punished’; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.
A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you
feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with
yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the
person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a
regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of
mine defines a good person as ‘someone who is always striving to be good
and do the right ‘;. So ask about your significant other: What do they
do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a
materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character
refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who
are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to
seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will
put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know
that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
wrapped up in themselves and self‒ absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people
whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi
drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they
have gratitude and appreciation?
If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them
everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that
someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as
well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention
of trying to ‘improve’; them after they’re married. As a colleague of
mine puts it: ‘You can probably expect someone to change after marriage
for the worse’ If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are
now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous.
The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with
your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;
to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on
your finger, you don’t want to find yourself trouble because you didn’t
do your homework.

Another perspective…
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
distance.. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at
least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
not‒going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention…Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going
downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones dont appreciate you?
Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and
caring words or annotations.

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets
to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your
life.

An African proverb states, ‘Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye’; Before you get involved and make a
commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self‒esteem make you blind to
warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can
change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that
important.
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make
someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self‒esteem, spiritual discernment, and ‘a life’; you
won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness
or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the
wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
etc.)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
9.GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
10. CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will
replace.