Tag: Management

The 5 minute management course.

Hey folks was going through a mail forwarded to me..could not resist myself to share that on this blog, hope you people will like it..some quick management tips:)

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you £800 to drop that towel.’
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep
your mouth shut!

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Out-of-Box thinking..

Below are the Interview Questions, which were asked in HR Round….. Be careful while you answer, No one will GET second chance to impress….

Very very Impressive Questions and Answers….. …

Question 1: You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it’s raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:

An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.
* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

He simply answered:

“I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.”

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to “Think Outside the Box.”

Question 2: What will you do if I run away with your sister?”

The candidate who was selected answered ” I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir”

Question 3: Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) – What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.

Girl – I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked

Question 4: Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied “Tea”

He got selected.

You know how and why did he say “TEA” when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.

(Answer: The question was “What is before you (U – alphabet)
Reply was “TEA” ( T – alphabet)

Alphabet “T” was before Alphabet “U”

Question 5: Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his “First Diwali”? People will start thinking of Ayodya, Mitila [Janaki’s place], Lanka etc…

But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna Killing Narakasura. In Dusavataar, Krishnavathaar comes after Raamavathaar.

So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all!

Question 6: The interviewer asked to the candidate “This is your last question of the interview. Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where u have kept your files.”

Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table. Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table, then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask…..

And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness. ……..

This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ….

“THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX”